Day 21- Weakness

"Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness."

- Jean Vanier - 

I really don't want to have to write this post. I have been stalling for it all evening. For the past 21 days I have been doing so well. I have felt so strong within myself, I have felt energetic and great. I have felt like I would never want to not eat foods from The Earth. 

Today has been the most difficult day. It was excruciating. Painful. I felt so weak and so human (ha! I am human). All I wanted was a cheeseburger and an ice cold Diet coke. 

At work we had a Team Day. Which meant we were locked (okay not literally locked), we MET in a booked room in the community centre. We spent the whole day together, planning and doing team building exercises. And on the table in the room, our manager provided us with snacks and drinks! There were cases of soft drink... including Diet Coke... chocolate muffins, pastries and other sugary snacks. Oh, and tiny minuscule apples. I brought with me almonds and mandarins, but it was SO painful being able to stare at Diet Coke ALL DAY. And to have people offer me one! And to watch people drink it! If you are new to reading this blog, you can read about my Diet coke addiction here.  

Finally lunch time arrived. It was catered. The food choices were sandwiches, veggies with ranch dip and fruit. Longingly I looked at those sandwiches! And watching everybody devour them. I opted for the veggie with no dip. But it was one of those pre-packaged party veggie/dip mixes. The carrots aren't the best, the broccoli was limp. But I forced it down. And I had a big bowl of fruit. The fruit was definitely not organic and definitely filled with pesticides. By the end of the day my lips were stinging and itchy and cracking!!! UNBELIEVABLE! This makes me want to do some research on the effects that pesticide ridden fruit can have on your body (or lips in my case). 

By the end of the day I was starving and headachey. All my co-workers were going out for beers and I decided to join them. I wasn't in the mood to drink so I stuck with water (all the while desiring Diet Coke!), I was having fun until everybody decided they were hungry. That's when the plates full of burgers arrived! My goodness! No joke, with the way I was feeling I almost burst into tears. 

I then left and caught the bus home. On my way home I begin to text message Dustin telling him that tonight we were having cheeseburgers. I also mentioned in the text message "F%#@ The Earth Diet" (very ashamed to admit this). He wrote back "WTF". And then he said "I'm not letting that happen". When I was walking home from the bus stop we spoke on the phone, I was almost in tears.. I felt so weak (physically and emotionally), headachey, and complacent. He told me under no circumstances we were going to have McDonald's. I wanted to punch him in the bloody face. 

Eventually, I make it home and ran myself a hot bath. Dustin arrives home and cooks me dinner (Earth Diet friendly, awww), he then hands me a Kit Kat (oh-oh). He told me that he loves me so much, that I had gone 21 days without processed foods, that I was doing fantastic, that he was proud of me for getting through the day and that he felt that I deserved a Kit Kat. As he handed it to me he said that this does not mean I'm allowed to go out and buy more, and that my next Kit Kat I will have to wait for another month! He is so sweet! There was a part of me that didn't want to take the Kit Kat because I survived the day... but it was just so sweet with everything that he said to me. I ate the Kit Kat and entered heavenly goodness. I broke the Earth Diet!!! 

Guys, I promise you, no more Kit Kats for awhile. I'm going to try not to feel bad about this. Tomorrow is a new day. 

If anyone has any encouragement or advice for me I would love to hear from you.

Love you all and good night x

PS.. I should probably mention that a big lesson I learnt is to be more prepared when I know I'll be in situation like this. But how do I fight the temptation!? The last thing I wanted was more fruit (granted, it was pesticide ridden and resulted in sore lips) and raw veg. 

My Day:

Breakfast- Celery/Carrot/Orange/Apple juice

Lunch- Raw mixed veg, pineapples, melon, kiwi fruit, mandarin

Dinner- Chicken, asparagus, potato

Snacks- Kit Kat, almonds, mandarins